Sunday, March 3, 2013

It's my (pity) party and I'll cry if I want to.

Do you ever just feel like you want to cry? And you just can't?  That's how I've been feeling today.  I am discouraged.  After staying away from the scale for a week, I had this grand delusion that it was going to say less than 230 (last weight had been 232.9). In reality, it was 235 :-(  Perhaps a combination of PMS and muscle-building, but disappointing anyway.  And my inches aren't "melting away" rapidly either.  I feel stuck again.

And speaking of PMS: can I blame that for the fact that I want to eat EVERYTHING I can think of?? Today alone I have craved Grotto's Pizza, Middleford Deli subs, Subway subs, Saladworks, Five Guys, and Chinese.  I mean, luckily I didn't give in to all that, but we did go to the Chinese Buffet for lunch, and whilst (what an English word, I love it) I feel like I made good decisions (soup, lots of protein and veggies), I still feel like I ate too much and I feel like crap for it now.  And I have to go exercise in an hour!!

I tried to back out of exercising tonight. Somehow I guilted myself back into going.  Is that where I am now? I can't miss a workout without feeling guilty??  That sucks.

My belly may be getting smaller.  My hips are getting smaller.  My thighs look amazing.  But you know what's still big? MY FEET!!! I went shoe-shopping today for new gym shoes.  Kind of tough to find size 12 wide at the mall.  And mens shoes just look so... manly!  Is it too much to ask for supportive, comfortable, feminine sneakers, preferably with some sort of pink in them, in a larger size??  I hate the shoe shopping experience.  If I even work up the nerve to ask the salesperson that I need a 12 wide, he/she typically sucks in the air between their teeth, and says "Umm... I can go look." And undoubtedly, that go in the back, laugh and tell their co-workers about the big-footed behemoth in the store, and then come back with a size 11 for me to try instead.  If I'm that lucky.  Today the salesman simply said "Oh, we don't have them that big.  What other colors do you like, so maybe we can look at mens?" I don't WANT MENS shoes!!! So needless to say, I came home with no shoes. Thus triggering the feeling that I WANT to cry, and it just won't come out.

While we're at it, let's talk about my ginormous noggin too.  Don't they make headbands for big-headed people??  I put a headband on, and slowly, it slides to the top of my head, where it finally POPS up off my head! I have to pin it to my head with like 4 bobby pins.  Thus defeating the purpose of wearing a headband in the first place.

And with that... it's time to begrudgingly put my gym clothes on. Let's do this.