Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Hunger and Fear

HUNGER
Today is Day 4 on my shakes, and today I felt honestly hungry. I tried to do the "listen to your body," and ate a little more today, and I didn't do anything inherently bad, but I just ended up feeling guilty about eating more.  Today was:
6 am, Breakfast shake (almond milk, Vi mix, 1 tbsp vanilla pudding mix, 1 tsp instant coffee, ice)
9:30 am, Turkey lunchmeat slices
10:30 am (still hungry) about 2 oz grilled chicken
12:00, Lunch shake (almond milk, 1 tbsp each choc pudding and PB2, half a frozen banana, 6 frozen strawberries) and a small salad with light ranch dressing
2:30 Small serving of tuna salad
4:30 (drive home) maybe 2 oz of leftover cube steak, 2 oz grilled chicken, AND a few riceworks crackers/chips...
Dinner was poached swai fish (it's a mild white fish), cabbage, asparagus, and a few leftover roasted potatoes.
I bought a new type of decaf tea to try tonight, that will be (hopefully) my only evening snack.  But all of the above feels like I've eaten SOOO much today!Then again, some people say they feel like they are eating all the time on this plan, so maybe it's okay.   I get a little OCD when I start counting calories, so I haven't been counting strictly, trying to focus on my shakes and small protein snacks, and a healthy dinner, and trying not to snack after dinner.  I admittedly don't like fruit very much, so that's why my snacks are mostly protein. Today I was honestly hungry, and I tried to listen to myself, and keep myself comfortable.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

FEAR
I am afraid that this won't work, that I'm going to fail. That I'll be that one person who isn't successful.  I am waiting (im)patiently until Day 10 to get on the scale. My husband has actually taken it away from me so I can't cheat and weigh myself early.  But I have such a fear of disappointment on that morning that I almost don't want to know!!  I have failed at so many things in the past, I am afraid of history repeating itself.  It (almost) makes me want to quit, knowing that I probably can't do it.  But I'm going to keep pushing on.  I'll never make it to Day 90 if I quit on Day 1, 5, or 85.  Keep on cruising.

1 comment:

Laura Madron said...

I forgot how you feel about veggies. If you're ok with them then enjoy some veggie trays with a milked down ranch. Veggies are next to nothing on the calorie meter and the vitamins in them will keep your body from saying you're hungry when it's really just looking for a certain vitamin or mineral.
But on a more realistic note, you get hungry, it's human. You know food and I are having our battle right now. And my doctor is realizing that this isn't just a "I feel hungry." It's an actual
"I have a headache, I'm depressed, I'm sweating, if I don't eat I feel like I'm going to die." So now I'm getting an image taken of my hypathalamus to make sure there's not a benign tumor on it. This is also after my lab results came back that my thyroid is only a little off but my hormones are super crazy. Maybe you can talk to your doctor about it?