Sunday, July 8, 2012

Put down the sausage and no one gets hurt!

Years ago, before I was married, my now-husband and I were out to breakfast.  I can't even remember where we went.  But I do remember that I had sausage, and I had a nice, crispy end-piece of sausage that I was saving for the end of my meal. It was that perfectly cooked, crispy, not-at-all greasy end of the sausage that is so delicious... so I left it on my plate to eat the rest of my food, saving that scrumptious little morsel of sausage for the very last savory bite... and Paul reached over with his fork and took it and ate it, before I even had a chance to react! After registering what had just happened, I was appalled, I was upset, I was ANGRY.  That was MY sausage.  I was SAVING it for myself, for my last bite. That event right there was probably one of our very first arguments.  And at the time it seemed so trivial, and even for years after, Paul will joke about it, saying he doesn't dare touch my sausage ever again.

But about a month or so ago, I read on someone else's blog about how a person with a bingeing disorder (Hi, my name is Christin and I'm a binge eater) can be very possessive of her food.  And it hit me like a brick wall.  I now understand so much why that piece of sausage upset me so much.  It was MINE.  And to this day, if Paul and I split something, a sub or a bowl of popcorn, I have to be sure that we get the exact same amount or size as the other.  My half has to be the same as his half.  If he finishes his burger, I have to finish mine, even though I was ready to throw up three bites ago.  And if, God forbid, there is something leftover after a meal, especially at a restaurant, that doggy bag is going with ME. I'm not leaving food that I paid for behind!  And if we have leftovers at home, they may not get eaten, unfortunately, but I'll darn sure hold onto them for a week, my cut-off for eating leftovers, until I throw them out.

I don't know what I'm going to do about this problem, but the first step is admitting you have one, right?  I'm learning to leave food on my plate at the end of a meal, to throw something away that I'm probably not going to eat again anyway.

Idea for next blog: secret eating.

Today's weight: 246.3. 26 pounds to goal.

I managed 5 pull-ups with 150 pounds assist today.

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